The family system is the context in which we first learn about God. Critically important and deeply rooted beliefs about the nature of God, such as whether or not God exists and whether or not God can be trusted, are shaped in the crucible of the family. The shaping begins at birth. The baby cries with hunger and the mother feeds him. The baby cries because he is wet and the mother changes him. The thousands of repetitions of the baby expressing a need and having it effectively and joyously met by the caregiver who delights in him wire the baby’s brain and spirit to accept the truth of a loving and need-meeting God. Sadly, the opposite sorts of early experiences, ranging from parental disinterest to chronic maltreatment or neglect create a neurophysiological scaffolding on which to hang unhealthy relational interactions, both with God and with others.

The parent’s potential for influence begins in infancy, but extends throughout the child’s lifespan. The savvy parent learns when to lead, when to follow and when to “wonder with” a child about situations, ranging from obedience to friendships to school issues to dating, and for parents who succeed in building solid, open communication with their children, marriage, sex, and the rearing of their own children.

Parents are given a guide for handling the heart of each of these issues in God’s word: the Bible. Framing life situations within the context of God’s truth over and over again during the course of childhood helps the child develop an internal compass. Teaching children how to experience God and hear His voice for themselves, part of which is sharing openly with them about one’s own growing and active relationship with God, is one of the most important gifts we can give to our children. Lastly, the family should also be a safe place to express and practice one’s gifts – ministering to siblings and even to parents in a setting of encouragement and experimentation helps children develop confidence that they can be agents of change in a world in desperate need.